Have Women Stopped Allowing Men to be Men?
I read an
interesting post this morning. It talked about how
women need to let a man be a man. It’s funny because this is something
that my parents have always tried to instill in me while also teaching me to be
an independent woman. Now that I’m older, I understand that it’s a
difficult thing to do, however, I’ve watched my mother do it with my father all
of my life. She does a great job and she makes it look effortless.
According to her, there is definitely a fine line in a relationship between
being an independent woman and allowing your man to be ‘the man’.
Obviously she has mastered walking that line because they’ve been married for
almost 40 years and are still very happy.
I never thought that I
would be taking dating advice from my little brother, but now that he’s older,
he tries to school me on men and how they think. Knowing that I am
super-independent, he constantly reminds me to let men be men or else I could
land in a dangerous situation. He’s said that when women take a man’s ability
to be a man away, he really has nothing left. In that case, he may do
anything because he has nothing to lose. (my little brother is smarter than I
thought...)
I admit that I’ve been
in relationships where I was more of a man than my boyfriend. Sad, but
true. I think they didn’t work because they allowed me to be the dominant force in the relationship. This, in
turn, caused me to lose respect for them as men. I guess I figured that
if I was going to be the one in the relationship taking care of everything, I
could do bad by myself. Now that I’m in a place that I actually want to
settle down I had to do a little thinking. A lot of questions started
running through my head when I stumbled upon this article and it was able to
answer most of them. My biggest question: How do I let a man be a
man?
- Allow him to do the three P’s: According to Steve Harvey, men love in
threes. They protect, provide, and profess for their lady. A
man that genuinely loves you will do all three. If one is missing,
he’s just telling you what you want to hear. I get that and looking
back, a lot of men that I’ve dated did not do all three, so what did I
instinctively do? I picked up his slack and did it for him, but it
didn’t benefit me in the long run.
- Let him pay: This is one that independent women get stuck on
all the time. We are so quick to let him know that we can pay for
things ourselves. We don’t take into account that this may have an
effect on his manhood. Give your wallet a break and let him pick up
the tab.
- Let him be a gentleman: The
article touched on this, but I have to ask where the gentlemen are in
today’s society. I haven’t met many men that are willing to open
doors or pull out chairs, but I’m sure they’re out there.
- Let him initiate contact: Sometimes
we get tired of waiting for a man to call us, so we take matters into our
own hands. It’s not the best thing to do. We need to let him
pursue us so that we’re not perceived as desperate. If he wants to
get to know us better, he’ll call.
- Let him propose: Hmmmmm,
after watching the episode of Love & Hip-Hop where Chrissy
proposed to Jim Jones, I had some questions. Jim said that he was
happy about it, but his actions after the proposal weren’t what she
expected. No wedding plans, and worst of all, no definite YES to the
question if he would marry her. (For the record, saying, “I’m with
you” is not a YES.) Yes, he wrote her a song, but she said that wasn’t the
first one he’s written for her. Personally, I’m just going to let my
man propose to me. At least that way I know it’s something he wants.
- Let him be who he is: I loved what Dr. Phoenyx Austin had to say about
this one. She said, “Whatever your man is - let him be that. Don’t
try to change him. Let a good man be a good man, and let a trifling man be
a trifling man. Men are not construction projects.” I agree!
It takes too much effort to try to change someone else. We need to
put that energy into making sure everything is good with us.
Yes, the essence of a
man is strength. I agree with that. If you take his power to be
strong away, why would they want to be with you? But one thing I can say
is that it takes a massive amount of strength for a woman to pIay her role in a
relationship when she is accustomed to being independent. I think the
lesson that I’ve learned is that it’s OK to be independent, but if I want to
share my life with a man and have a healthy relationship, I need to stay in my
lane and allow him to handle his business. I don’t mean that I need to
submit to him or to allow him to control me. I just need to be a woman
and let him be a man.
Let's hear your thoughts...