Do You Forgive and Forget or Do You Just Forgive?

Posted by Erin Brown on Thursday, September 29, 2011 in 2011, forgiveness,

‘The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive, but do not forget.’

I’ve always been told that if you forgive, but don’t forget it’s not real forgiveness.  Now that I’m older and wiser I have to question that statement.  I’ve been through a lot in my life and I can’t say that I’d like to forget.  Forgive…yes, I’ll do that.  But for me to forget…I don’t think that’s at all possible.

Say you have been through a very hurtful situation.  We all have.  Although you immediately feel hurt by the person who betrayed you, you will eventually get over it.  When you decide to let all of the negative feelings go, you will be able to forgive.  But for me, forgetting is not an option.  I need to learn from the situation and be able to ensure I will not go through it again.  I need to be able to recognize the red flags that I missed the first time.  How can I do that if I forget?

We’re all human.  We all have brains.  Personally, I don’t think the brain is equipped with a delete button.  That’s why years later you may be able to remember something that you had not thought about in years.  There is a reason for it.  I don’t know why, but I do know that we are able to remember things for a reason.     

What’s most important to me is that I am able to forgive.  Forgetting, to me, is unrealistic.  Letting go of the hurt and living my life is what I’m concerned with doing.  And let me make this clear - I don’t forgive in order to make the other person or people feel good.  I forgive so that I can feel good.  I don’t want to harbor negative emotions or live my life holding on to the past.  I want to live my life each day knowing that I did the right thing and knowing that I can move forward with peace of mind.