It's Hard Out Here For a Single Sista...

It's Hard Out Here For a Single Sista...

Posted by Erin Brown on Tuesday, July 27, 2010 in dating, single,

Now that I’m single I am really enjoying myself. I’ve had conversations with a few men, but nothing serious. The problem that I have is this - after the conversation, I’m left feeling like the person is just not for me. This poses a serious problem for my dating life since I feel this way all too often.

Technology has really changed the dating game. It’s so easy to meet men online. I'm not sure if it’s for the best or not. It does open up the dating pool to men that are not in my immediate area, but after my last relationship, I’m not looking for anything long distance. It also gives me the chance to get to know a person (or his ‘representative’) before meeting him in person. I’m not sure if that’s what I want either. What I really want is to meet a normal man in the store or while I’m getting gas. Is that really too much to ask?

I’ve discussed in previous posts that I feel that men are intimidated by certain women. I’m not sure why, but I’ve been told by men that it happens. My intention is never to intimidate a man. I know I’m a handful, but I want a man that can handle me. I need a man that’s strong enough to handle the fact that I am a very strong woman and that I probably won’t change. The problem is that these men don’t seem to exist...at least not in Virginia Beach.

I’ve tried the whole ‘I’m not looking for a man. He will come to me.’ approach to being single and I’ve learned a valuable lesson: A closed mouth does not get fed! I think that it’s time that women go out and get what we want. If we want to know something about a man, just ask! It’s not that hard. It’s 2010 and if we don’t go after the man that we want, the next single woman will.

I tend to be a little old fashioned when it comes to relationships, but I’m starting to ease out of that. I’m not going to ask a man to marry me, but I will approach a man if I’m interested. I really wish that the dating process was easier. It’s so time consuming. I’m keeping a positive attitude about it though. I’m certain that my Prince Charming will come to sweep me off of my feet soon.

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It's a Big Girl's World

It's a Big Girl's World

Posted by Erin Brown on Saturday, December 20, 2008 in advice, big girl's world, break up, cheaters, dating, dilemma, happiness, honesty, inspiration, negative energy, real, relationships, responibility, single, strong woman, truth, women of strength,

I don’t expect you to understand how real life works. It’s evident that you’ve been sheltered and still see the world through the eyes of a child. In order to play in a big girl’s world, you really need to be prepared because in this world, each and every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So just know that your actions have not gone unnoticed. There will be a reaction. It may not be today or tomorrow, but you will feel the reaction of a REAL WOMAN. I am positive that you are not prepared for what’s in store for you.

Please don’t take this as me being disrespectful. Someone needs to tell you the real deal. Your looks will only get you so far…especially when you are not that cute. I am not one to put others down, so don’t perceive my advice as harsh criticism. Physical attributes do not make a woman beautiful. See, your looks may get the man, but it’s your heart, drive, ambition, attitude, soul and mannerisms that will keep him. This is a big girl’s world and I am just trying to explain the game.

Your tears and suicidal threats when he tries to leave you will only buy you a little more time. I don’t blame you for trying these tactics because you don’t have the mindset of a woman yet.  What you don’t understand is that you can’t make a man stay with you out of pity. It’s only a matter of time before he grows weary from the drama. A REAL man wants a strong woman by his side. You, little girl, have a lot of work to do in order to prepare yourself for this big girl’s world.

Does it make you feel as though you have the upper hand in the situation because you snoop and invade people’s privacy on Yahoo and Facebook after your relationship has ended? You may have the information that you seek, but can you handle the truth? I’m not so sure that you are ready for what this big girl’s world has in store for you. You see, a REAL sista will take the information and use it to her advantage.  She’s strong enough to make unambiguous decisions and stick to them.  She understands that doing what’s right for her may not feel right at the time, but ultimately she will get through the situation on her own.  And at the end of the day, that REAL sista has the confidence to know that she comes second to no one. We recognize that we are Queens and should be treated as such. You see, when the smoke clears, big girls will be OK while little girls run back to a weak man.

Is it that serious for you to fake a pregnancy to try and keep a cheating man? Young girl, he cheated because there was a void in your relationship that you were too blind to see. Understand that communication and trust are the foundation for a lasting relationship. A REAL woman knows how to keep her man happy and how not to create a void that another female (or male depending on the situation) has to fill.  It’s a rough world little sis, so take all the help you can get. I am just trying to explain the big girl’s game so that you are able to be successful in this life.

A man is always going to look at a beautiful woman that walks down the street. Are you that insecure in your relationship that you must call him out on each and every occasion? There will always be another female that is prettier, more intelligent, has a bigger bra size, a bigger butt, and more money than you.  Big girls understand that once trust is damaged it cannot be repaired. If you feel as though you can’t trust him, why stay with him? If you do stay, you are only hurting yourself because you know that you will always be thinking about what he has done with the other girl. Futile arguments about why he cheated and how many times he did it will not make him stay. You have even gone as far as to offer a ménage a trios. Is that what you think is going to keep him…allowing him to have sex with another woman in front of you to fulfill his fantasies? Little girl, you are enabling his actions and letting your insecurities get the best of you. It’s a big girl’s world and all of your insecurities will ultimately lead to your demise.

I can provide you with more scenarios, but at the end of the day, it boils down to this…BIG GIRLS will move on to a strong man that is faithful, knows her worth and appreciates her while LITTLE GIRLS remain with the weak men and continue to go through the same drama. Maybe us REAL WOMEN should be thanking you for taking the weak men off of the market. While you are snooping for evidence that he is cheating, stressing yourself and wallowing in your own self pitty, we are happy being by ourselves (unlike you, BIG GIRLS are not afraid of being alone) or dealing with a REAL, STRONG brotha that knows exactly what he wants. Little girls, like you, haven't yet grasped the concept of self worth and in this big girl's world you will get eaten alive.

If you don’t understand any of the free advice that I am providing to you, let me break it down into terms that you may be able to undertand...

“THE MINUTE YOU SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE IS THE EXACT MOMENT THAT YOU DESERVE LESS THAN WHAT YOU SETTLED FOR.”

I am not telling you this to offend you in any way. My hope is that you will be encouraged and inspired to do better for yourself and to understand that you have the potential to be a big girl. This is a real problem for black women and someone needs to enlighten the little girls of the world. There will be winners and losers in this big girl’s world. It’s up to you to choose the side on which you would like to play.

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