Preferences or Prerequisites: How Do You Choose Your Mate?

Posted by Erin Brown on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 in blog, character, choosing a mate, dating, dilemma, men, preferences, prerequisites, relationships,

 

I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day about my criteria for dating. She, and other women that I know, are of the opinion that ‘the list’ is obsolete. They have a point.  Sometimes a woman’s list can be out of control! (Remember Chili’s list?)

Although some people may think this process is a little antiquated, I still have a list. Actually, I have two lists: a list of PREFERENCES and a list of PREREQUISITES.  Of course the prerequisites are much more important than the preferences, but I, like a lot of women, at times, may place something pretty superficial on the prerequisites list and something important on the preferences list. 

I admit I can be extremely picky when it comes to choosing a man. I feel as though I should be. There are certain things that I like and dislike...just like any other human being. Don’t I deserve to have the man that I want? I think so. 

Without further adieu, here is an abbreviated preview of my lists: 

PREFERENCES [pref-er-uhns, pref-ruhns] (n.) that which is preferred

• Tall (preferably 6’ or taller) - There has always been something attractive to me about a tall man.  Maybe it’s because I’m short.  I don’t know, but I just prefer taller men.  

• Sense of Humor - I love a man that can make me laugh. Life can get extremely serious and/or difficult at times and I would really appreciate a man that can make me laugh and distract me from reality from time to time.

• Spontaneous - I’m not really one that likes to deviate from the plan, but I’m working on this. That’s why I would prefer to be with a man that can balance me in that respect. I want someone that will help me to step outside of my little box and do things differently and without a schedule.

• Handsome - He only needs to be handsome in my eyes.  I really don’t care what other people think.  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I am the beholder.

• Swag - I love a man that can catch my eye with swag alone.  I can’t really define it, but he has to have it.

PREREQUISITES [pree-rek-wuh-zit](adj.) required beforehand

• Communication - I must have a communicator in my life!  Since non-verbal communication is 50% of communication, it counts as well.  Communication is an essential part of any relationship and without it, the relationship will end...most likely because of a misunderstanding. If a disagreement arises, we should be able to discuss the issue as adults and, if needed, agree to disagree rather than yell and scream at each other.  At the end of the night, we should never go to bed angry or upset.

• Loves God - This is essential as I strive to be equally yoked with my man.

• Confident and Secure - There is nothing sexier than a confident man.  It’s a prerequisite for me because I will not be with a man that is insecure.  He needs to be confident enough to believe in what we have together and secure enough to allow me to mingle with the world without becoming jealous or overbearing.

• Honest, Faithful and Trustworthy - This should go without saying. Who wants to be with a man that will lie and cheat?  Although some women believe that I won’t EVER find a man that possesses these qualities, I believe he’s out there.

• Versatile - I NEED a man who can do many different things and can adapt to all situations. Here are two examples:  

• Today we’re hanging out at a football game and tailgating with friends.  He’s able to wear his jersey and act just as crazy and talk as much trash as I do when I go to a game.  

• Tomorrow we have reservations for dinner and tickets to see a play with my boss. He needs to be dressed, and feel comfortable, in a suit and be articulate enough to express himself without using slang terms such as, “C’mon son!” and “That chick got me twisted” in front of her. (Don’t laugh...this has happened.)

• Intelligent - Notice I didn’t say ‘educated’.  There is a difference.  Anyone can go to school, but not everyone retains and applies what they learn. There are men out there who have a high school education, but have more intelligence and common sense than a man with a master’s degree.  I’ll take the guy that can hold an intellectual conversation with me and teach me a thing or two.

• Hard-working and Goal-oriented - I am very driven and I need a man that can match or exceed my drive.  We should be able to push each other to reach our goals.

• Reliable - In order for a man to be with me, he must be reliable. I need to feel that he will be there with me through thick and thin. I also need to feel that if he tells me something, he’s going to do it. Keeping your word is part of being reliable. If a man is missing this trait, it’s definitely a deal breaker.

• Non-smoker - No offense to those that do smoke, but this is something that I won't tolerate. I don't smoke and I can't stand the smell of smoke.

And the list goes on. These lists have been works in progress for the past few years.  They’ve evolved and will continue to evolve. I haven’t listed everything, but I’m sure I’m missing a few things.

Do you have a list? What are some of the traits and characteristics on your list?  Have I misplaced some things on my list? Tell me your thoughts.