I looked at this topic and almost decided not to post. I guess this is called ‘Thirty Days of Truth’ for a reason. I always say, "If the truth hurts, say ouch" and this one really hurts. I didn’t want to post my insecurities for everyone to see, but I guess it’s better to let it out than to keep it in. So, here it goes...
The one thing that I really hate about myself is (wait for it...) my weight. I know, not very original, but it’s the one thing that I have struggled with all of my life. I’ve always been the chubby one in my family. Try growing up with a cousin that has always been skinny, yet ate every fattening food in sight, and a little brother that ate three times as much as everyone in the family, yet managed to stay fit. (SMH)
I have always been active. I was a cheerleader, in gymnastics, dance, ran track, played basketball, was even a certified aerobics instructor...you name it, I’ve done it. For some reason, I’ve always been kind of heavy. Although I’m muscular, I’m still heavy. In high school, I was a cheerleader. I hated being one of the biggest girls on the team! UGH! Imagine being a size 9/10 when everyone else is a size 2!
When I went into the military, it was a struggle to even make the weight to get in. I had to lose 10 lbs. I ran miles, starved myself, and even tried a laxative diet, but I made it. It was a long, brutal fight.
When it came time for the Navy’s PRT (physical readiness test), I always passed. I never had a problem with the run, push ups, or sit ups, but when it came to facing that scale, I always lost. (Thank goodness for the ‘tape test’!) It was always funny that I could never make the weight, but physically I was within military standards.
Fast forward to when I got pregnant with my son. At that time, I was in the best shape of my life! I had discovered that carbs were my kryptonite and without them, I could do (and wear) anything! And then the pregnancy cravings began. I wanted potatoes and bread all the time! Needless to say I gained all of the weight back during pregnancy and only lost half of it when the boy was born.
Today it’s still a struggle. I’ve been on a diet and exercise kick for a few months, but it’s not working as fast as I’d like it to, but it is working I count calories with the help of Lose It! and I try to exercise at least three times per week. I am down 12 lbs and a dress size, but I want more...quickly! ((SIGH)) The low carb diet gave me the instant gratification that I am looking for, but it wasn’t sustainable on a long term basis. I’m at the point that I need to be healthy and do this the right way, but I don’t have to like it.
Recently I’ve come to the realization that this is me and I have to work with what God has created. I can no longer be a slave to the scale. I’m this way for a reason. It’s not meant for me to look like one of the video models that so many men drool over. I’m beautiful in my own way. Knowing that, I’m just going to continue to work toward my goals and see how far I can get. Since I’m pretty competitive, I’m sure I’ll do well, but it’s not going to be an easy journey. Wish me luck!
Oh, and anyone that wants to join me on Lose It! you can send me an email and I’ll invite you into my network. :-)
