Could I Have Fallen for a Sociopath?
I was talking with a few friends and as usual we were discussing men and relationships. As I was listening to some of their stories, something struck me - the men that we were discussing had some, if not all, of the characteristics of sociopaths. Scary! What’s even scarier is that psychologists estimate that approximately 1-4% of the population can be classified as sociopaths! That equates to millions of people. In essence, every time you interact with people, it’s possible that you are in contact with a sociopath.
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so·ci·o·path/ˈsōsēōˌpaTH/: (n.) A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience. These individuals have little regard for the feelings of others and manipulate others in order to get what they desire.
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The important term in the definition of a sociopath is ‘antisocial’. When we think of antisocial people, we tend to think of the introvert that doesn’t really associate with many people. In this case, antisocial means ‘of or pertaining to a pattern of behavior in which social norms and the rights of others are persistently violated’.
There are many traits that sociopaths display, but I’ve decided to list a few of them that were a common theme in the men that my friends and I have dated. It’s important to note that a lot of people have one or even a few of these characteristics and can be considered normal. According to the books that I have read, sociopaths have most, if not all, of these characteristics...plus many more. (Men, please understand that these characteristics apply to women also. Sociopaths are not gender specific. For the purpose of this post, I am referring to the male sociopath.)
Have I dealt with a sociopath? If I gauge the men that I've dated against the definition of a sociopath, yes, I'm pretty certain that I've dated a few. I can say that I’ve been with at least two men that had all 10 of these traits. I’m sure that some men who are reading this have come into contact with women that display the same traits. The point is that we won’t know until we educate ourselves and decide to open our eyes to the behavior that our partner is showing us. Like my grandmother always says, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them”! It's a hard thing to do since love is blind, but it's doable.
Mr. Charming and/or Mr. Charismatic - He’s one heck of a smooth talker and will always have an answer to any question you may ask. He seems to lead a very exciting life. That’s usually what attracts us to him. Don’t buy into it. It’s all a facade. He is extremely manipulative and is using you for his own enjoyment which entails humiliating you.
Mr. Egomaniac - This guy will act like the best thing since the invention of the relaxer! He may claim to be smart, rich or the most successful person that you will ever know and doesn’t have an issue flaunting it. Once again...a facade.
Mr. Attentive - What more could a woman ask for than a man that is willing to call, text and/or email constantly just to let her know that she is on his mind? And what about when he wants to spend time with her and compliment her all the time just to make her happy? It’s all about communication and strengthening the relationship, right? WRONG! In reality he resents time you spend with your family and friends and wants to be in constant contact with you so he can gain your trust and take control. The compliments are futile. His main goal is to make you into a willing victim.
Mr. Jekyll and Hyde Personality - One minute he loves you; the next minute he hates you. As a sociopath, his personality and demeanor can change with the blink of an eye. He may also become agitated when you try to get to know more about him. Just watch for the signs.
Mr. Gimme Your Sympathy - Sociopaths can figure out what will make you feel bad for them. He wants you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks. If he’s really a nut he may have all of these things at once! Don’t fall for it.
Mr. It Ain’t My Fault - If you let him tell it, he has never done anything wrong in any situation and the excuse he gives you will always be a good one. They will always have a lot of details, too. It’s always the ex’s fault or someone else’s fault for his circumstances. He will always be the victim. Don’t feel bad for him. He’s trying to turn you into his next victim by appealing to your emotions. He wants you to feel sorry for him.
Mr. Liar, Liar...Pants on Fire - I like to call this man The Lyin’ King. You ask him questions. He gives you answers...very vague answers. He’s going to tell you the most outrageous lies that he can create in his crazy mind. Unfortunately, they are so far gone they don’t realize that telling the truth is a better option. These men lie so well that they are able to pass lie detector tests.
Mr. Speed Racer - Ever met a guy that you talked to and after the third week of knowing you they profess their love and tell you that you are soul mates? How about the man who wants to get married two weeks after you exchange numbers? Ladies, I know most of us want to be in love, but this is not the guy for you. He’s playing you. Don’t fall for it.
Mr. Emotionless - Remember, this man is very convincing. He will show you warmth, joy, love and compassion, but it all serves an ulterior motive. He is incapable of feeling emotion, including remorse. He may become outraged by insignificant things, but will show no emotion during times when a normal person would be upset. He is unable to empathize with the pain that he is causing you and will continue to take advantage of you because that’s what he does. He is oblivious and/or indifferent to the devastation that he is causing in your life. It won’t matter anyway. He’s not going to accept responsibility for his actions and will most likely blame you for everything that’s happening. In fact, in his deranged mind, he’s going to rationalize the pain that he inflicts upon you. He does, however, need your love, respect, and gratitude in order to justify everything he is doing to you.
Mr. Narcissist - This man is into himself and no one else. Everything he does is for himself. It is common for sociopaths to constantly state their unrealistic goals, such as taking over the world. With that alone, you should know something is wrong with him.
Have I dealt with a sociopath? If I gauge the men that I've dated against the definition of a sociopath, yes, I'm pretty certain that I've dated a few. I can say that I’ve been with at least two men that had all 10 of these traits. I’m sure that some men who are reading this have come into contact with women that display the same traits. The point is that we won’t know until we educate ourselves and decide to open our eyes to the behavior that our partner is showing us. Like my grandmother always says, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them”! It's a hard thing to do since love is blind, but it's doable.
I’m sure we’ve all met at least one of these crazy fools. The 10 men that I listed may seem harmless as listed individually, but when you add other traits to them, it’s actually pretty serious situation. When you find a man that has more than a few of these characteristics, it’s possible that you are dealing with a sociopath. You have the choice to stay, but that’s where your love for self needs to kick in. That’s when you need to move into self-preservation mode and leave the situation.
