Showing posts with label strong woman. Show all posts
Showing posts with label strong woman. Show all posts

Sunday

Have You Dated This Guy? I Have...

Posted by Erin Brown on Sunday, April 17, 2011 in
‘The moment you settle for less than you deserve is the moment you deserve exactly what you settled for.’


The other night while reading through random blogs online, I stumbled upon a blog about relationships. I began to read it and instantly fell in love!  I struck ‘relationship information gold’ when I discovered the Baggage Reclaim.  It’s a blog written by a woman and I can tell you that Natalie Lue is on point with her evaluations of situations and the advice she provides.

The first post I read was about people that she has affectionately dubbed ‘assclowns’.  I LOVE it!  It’s such a fitting name for these folks.  In this post she gives you the information that you need to discover if you are involved with an ‘assclown’.
 
You’re probably wondering what an ‘assclown’ is, right?  Natalie provides a pretty in-depth definition.  She says:

‘‘An assclown is someone that mistreats you and more often than not eventually proves to be a waste of time and space. He (or she) adds little or no value to the relationship and the cost to you of being with him is often your self-esteem, your well-being, and for some, your career, family, or friends. They only have one foot or possibly even a toe in the relationship, or even nothing at all, and they knowingly (even if they deny it) mess you around and enjoy the fringe benefits of being with you (ego stroking, sex, a reliable shoulder to lean on, money etc) even though they don’t actually want you or have no intentions of ever giving you the relationship that you want. Often mixed in with Mr Unavailables, while some Mr Unavailables are assclowns, because they actively and knowingly seek to mistreat, exploit, and abuse people they’re involved with, all assclowns are ‘unavailable’, are narcissistic or have narcissistic tendencies, and don’t mean anyone that they become involved with any good and veer between at best being users and at worst, being very dangerous.’

After reading her description, I realized that I have dated this guy...over, and over, and over, and over!  Sad, but true.  I’ve also been with ‘Mr. Unavailable‘.  (Take note that Mama’s Boys are listed and fall under the Mr. Unavailable category.)

Ladies, we need to do much better.  The solution I’m offering is for you to take a step back and look at your part in attracting these men.  Are you attracted to them because you think you can fix or change them?  Are they a reflection of your true inner-self?  Self-evaluation should definitely be the at the top of your priority list if you are a woman that is constantly in a relationship with ‘Mr. Unavailable’ or an assclown.  

We owe it to ourselves to love ourselves more than we love these men that are not capable of loving or treating us in the manner in which we deserve.  We know they don’t deserve us, but at the end of the day the only person that can make the decision to take action is you.  Just remember that no one can do anything to you that you don’t allow them to do.  We can’t continue to place the blame on men when they treat us badly and disrespect us.  It’s what we allowed them to do.  
Continue Reading

Thursday

#RelationshipFail: The Mama's Boy

Posted by Erin Brown on Thursday, April 14, 2011 in
I obviously have some issues with mama’s boys. I believe the reason is because I am a very strong, independent woman.  Am I a daddy’s girl?  Yes, to an extent, but my parents instilled in me the importance of being an independent woman.  I do not take every issue I have to them, nor do I take their advice each and every time they offer it.  I am my own woman and I live my life for me…not for my parents.
There are specific reasons that I will never be able to sustain a healthy, long-lasting relationship with a mama’s boy.  I’m sure other women have similar reasons, but I can only speak for myself. 

I love REAL men – There is nothing better than the feeling of being with a real man. In my opinion, real men have certain traits that make them who they are. 

Strength – Real men make their own decisions and are willing to suffer the consequences at any cost.  He is able to accept responsibility for all of his actions and words.  He is not a coward and will face any obstacle placed in front of him regardless of the difficulty level and is willing to fix the problem if he is at fault.

Communication skills – Real men understand that communication is the key to any healthy and successful relationship.  As his woman, he trusts you to be his confidante and best friend.  He tells you everything.  A real man would never leave you without talking to you first.  That’s not his style.  He will face the issues in the relationship in order to fix them.  He can also put a strong woman in her place (verbally) without damaging the relationship or causing an argument.  He will give you a lot to think about in a good debate and he will solve the issue without shutting down for long periods of time. 

Focus – Real men know the difference between what is important and what can wait.  He will focus his energy on gaining power, making money, and taking care of his family.  Notice that I didn’t mention sex.  These men understand that they can get that from anywhere.  They want a wife and a family.  Sex comes along with that.  He’s not going to waste time on frivolous ventures that will not benefit him or his family in any way.  Everything he does has a purpose. 

Family-oriented – Real men take care of home first.  This is why I could never be with a mama’s boy. To a mama’s boy, mama comes first while you and your children come second.  That’s unacceptable to me.  A real man will put his woman and child(ren) first.  Everyone else plays the secondary role.  Most importantly, leaving is not an option.  He will do his best to work out any differences before he abandons the relationship that the two of you have built.

Doesn’t gossip – Real men will not gossip or spread your business to mama or anyone else.  He knows that your trust is the foundation of the relationship and if he breaks that, you are gone. He’s not willing to do that.  In my experience, real men use very few words and do not provide information unless he has to. 

Role model material – Real men understand that people are always watching.  He is respectful to others and has the utmost respect for himself.  The only exception is in the case that he is disrespected.  He ensures that he leads by example and passes the same quality on to his children.  He sets the bar high and doesn’t ever let it drop. 
Keeps his word – To a real man, his word is his bond.  If he can’t deliver on the promise, he’s not going to make the promise.  He doesn’t offer to do things that he knows he has no intention of doing. In other words, he’s not a compulsive liar or a sociopath.

Goal oriented – This man will set a goal and he will attain it.  Failure is not an option.  He has responsibilities and he will do everything in his power to be successful. 

Authenticity – Yes, ladies and gents, real men are just that…REAL.  They are genuine and expect the same from you. Real men are worthy of being made a priority in the life of a real woman.  They don’t have ill intentions or ulterior motives.  What you see is what you get.

I need an independent man – I am an independent woman and I deserve to be with a man that is the same.  I cannot tolerate a man that chooses to live off of his mother instead of going out and getting his own place and paying his own bills.  Don’t get me wrong, there are circumstances where it is warranted for a man to live at home, but the ones that aren’t ever willing to leave mama’s nest are not for me.  I’ve also found that the mama’s boy is the one that will try to move into my house instead of trying to get his own.  If we decide to do that together, that’s one thing.  But it’s another thing for you to come to my house and purposely start taking up closet space.  I am not your mama and this is not your mama’s house!  Man up, fellas, because real women like me need go-getters!  We need men that are willing to hustle as hard as we do to get to the top.  You’ll never do that on your mama’s couch. 

I refuse to be an option – This is the one thing that will make me re-think the entire relationship and leave quicker than Carl Lewis can run the 100 meter dash if necessary.  I deserve to be a priority in my man’s life just as I will make him the priority in mine.  This should be a given, but some men don’t get it.  What woman is willing to be a close number two to her man’s mama?  I am not the backup plan in case your mama decides not to go out on a “date” with you.  Strong women understand that we can do badly by ourselves.  I would rather be a priority in my own life than to be an option in a man’s life.  I love myself too much to deal with a man that won’t put me first. 

The bottom line is that I will never be able to be with a mama’s boy because they don’t have what it takes to handle a real woman that is capable of providing a real, lasting relationship.  They are emotionally unavailable and too weak for me.  So take heed, fellas - the criteria listed above are the PREREQUISITES to be with me…not the preferences.  They are two completely different things.  I need a real man to handle everything I have to offer.  Mama’s boys need not apply...your application will be DENIED!
Continue Reading

Saturday

30 Days of Truth: Day 2 - ‘Something You Love About Yourself’

Posted by Erin Brown on Saturday, January 08, 2011 in
It’s so funny how things work...I like this topic much better than yesterday’s topic, yet it seems to me that discussing what I hate about myself was much easier.  I guess this one will be short and sweet.
There are a lot of things that I love about myself.  Out of everything, I love the fact that I am a strong, driven, and focused woman.  I’m not afraid of a challenge.  In fact, I welcome the opportunity to prove doubters wrong.  Unfortunately, as a double minority, the road to success has more bumps, twists, and turns than it does for others.  You have to roll with the punches or get rolled over.  I, for one, have mastered taking punches and also dealing massive blows when necessary.  :-)
All of my life I’ve had to compete with the big boys.  It’s taught me a lot.  I’ve learned that you have to have a thick skin to make it and you’ll never get to the top by sitting on the sidelines. In these times, it’s survival of the fittest...self-preservation.  Only the strong will survive and I plan to be the last woman standing.
I want it all and the world is mine for the taking.  I’ll meet you all at the top.  
Continue Reading

Monday

Dear Misery...

Posted by Erin Brown on Monday, December 13, 2010 in
Dear Misery, 
I’m not writing this letter to you to see how you’re doing or to even start an ongoing dialogue between the two of us.  This, old friend, will be the very last correspondence that will ever exist between the two of us. I think it’s about that time that you and I part ways for good.
I don’t want to play the blame game anymore. I won’t say that you are the reason for me feeling the way I used to feel or acting the way I used to act.  The truth is, you were never the one that made me do anything...it was me.  I am now taking responsibility for my actions, or lack thereof.  
I am better than the drama that you bring into my life or the pain that you have cause me to feel. I refuse to choose sadness as a way of life.  I want more for myself.  You, old friend, cannot offer me what I deserve so I must part ways with you for good.  
I can tell that you’ve moved on, yet you still try to keep me around.  That’s not going to happen. As of this moment, you are officially out of my life.  We can’t even be associates.  You cannot offer me anything that I want or need.  
I know you’ll try to find out what led me to make this decision.  The answer is simple...no need to ask around because I don’t have a problem telling you that I’ve finally come to my senses. I have been walking down the wrong path for some time and finally came to the fork in the road.  If I chose the right side, I would’ve continued walking down the road hand in hand with you.  On that path, you had my heart and mind, but the relationship wasn’t fulfilling my wants, needs, or desires.  We were walking side by side, but I had a blindfold over my eyes.  I knew it the entire time, but I still chose to ride with you.  My choice was wrong.
The left side has much more to offer!  The energy felt different and I was able to remove the blindfold and actually feel something that I hadn’t felt in a long time.  I wasn’t reduced to nothing each and every time something went wrong in my life.  I was actually able to learn and experience how life can be when true love enters into the mix.  This is what I’ve been missing.  This is what you were never able to offer me.  This is what I want for myself.
Removing you from my life has been much easier than I anticipated.  I wish you well in your new home.  Please respect my wishes and don’t ever try to make contact with me again. My life is much better without you and if you care about me you’ll respect that. 
Wait...I’m giving you too much credit...your name is Misery!  You don’t care about anyone, but yourself.  You use people until you suck them dry and leave them as an empty, soulless mess...useless to anyone, including themselves. I understand that you love company, but this is one home that you are not welcome to visit again. 
I know I’m supposed to end this by saying something like, “Until we meet again”, but that will never happen.  
Signed, 
~Me
Continue Reading

Friday

Strong Woman or Woman of Strength?

Posted by Erin Brown on Friday, August 06, 2010 in
This was so beautiful that i had to share. It sort of goes with my post "It's a Big Girl's World". So, now you just need to answer the question...are you a strong woman or a woman of strength?

A strong woman works out everyday to keep her body in shape…
But a woman of strength builds relationships to keep her soul in shape.

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything…
But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the better of her…
But a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future…
A woman of strength realises life's mistakes can also be unexpected blessings, and capitalises on them.

A strong woman wears a look of confidence on her face…
But a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey…
But a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

~ Written by Dee Cheeks
Continue Reading

Saturday

It's a Big Girl's World

Posted by Erin Brown on Saturday, December 20, 2008 in


I don’t expect you to understand how real life works. It’s evident that you’ve been sheltered and still see the world through the eyes of a child. In order to play in a big girl’s world, you really need to be prepared because in this world, each and every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So just know that your actions have not gone unnoticed. There will be a reaction. It may not be today or tomorrow, but you will feel the reaction of a REAL WOMAN. I am positive that you are not prepared for what’s in store for you.
Please don’t take this as me being disrespectful. Someone needs to tell you the real deal. Your looks will only get you so far…especially when you are not that cute. I am not one to put others down, so don’t perceive my advice as harsh criticism. Physical attributes do not make a woman beautiful. See, your looks may get the man, but it’s your heart, drive, ambition, attitude, soul and mannerisms that will keep him. This is a big girl’s world and I am just trying to explain the game.
Your tears and suicidal threats when he tries to leave you will only buy you a little more time. I don’t blame you for trying these tactics because you don’t have the mindset of a woman yet.  What you don’t understand is that you can’t make a man stay with you out of pity. It’s only a matter of time before he grows weary from the drama. A REAL man wants a strong woman by his side. You, little girl, have a lot of work to do in order to prepare yourself for this big girl’s world.
Does it make you feel as though you have the upper hand in the situation because you snoop and invade people’s privacy on Yahoo and Facebook after your relationship has ended? You may have the information that you seek, but can you handle the truth? I’m not so sure that you are ready for what this big girl’s world has in store for you. You see, a REAL sista will take the information and use it to her advantage.  She’s strong enough to make unambiguous decisions and stick to them.  She understands that doing what’s right for her may not feel right at the time, but ultimately she will get through the situation on her own.  And at the end of the day, that REAL sista has the confidence to know that she comes second to no one. We recognize that we are Queens and should be treated as such. You see, when the smoke clears, big girls will be OK while little girls run back to a weak man.
Is it that serious for you to fake a pregnancy to try and keep a cheating man? Young girl, he cheated because there was a void in your relationship that you were too blind to see. Understand that communication and trust are the foundation for a lasting relationship. A REAL woman knows how to keep her man happy and how not to create a void that another female (or male depending on the situation) has to fill.  It’s a rough world little sis, so take all the help you can get. I am just trying to explain the big girl’s game so that you are able to be successful in this life.
A man is always going to look at a beautiful woman that walks down the street. Are you that insecure in your relationship that you must call him out on each and every occasion? There will always be another female that is prettier, more intelligent, has a bigger bra size, a bigger butt, and more money than you.  Big girls understand that once trust is damaged it cannot be repaired. If you feel as though you can’t trust him, why stay with him? If you do stay, you are only hurting yourself because you know that you will always be thinking about what he has done with the other girl. Futile arguments about why he cheated and how many times he did it will not make him stay. You have even gone as far as to offer a ménage a trios. Is that what you think is going to keep him…allowing him to have sex with another woman in front of you to fulfill his fantasies? Little girl, you are enabling his actions and letting your insecurities get the best of you. It’s a big girl’s world and all of your insecurities will ultimately lead to your demise.
I can provide you with more scenarios, but at the end of the day, it boils down to this…BIG GIRLS will move on to a strong man that is faithful, knows her worth and appreciates her while LITTLE GIRLS remain with the weak men and continue to go through the same drama. Maybe us REAL WOMEN should be thanking you for taking the weak men off of the market. While you are snooping for evidence that he is cheating, stressing yourself and wallowing in your own self pitty, we are happy being by ourselves (unlike you, BIG GIRLS are not afraid of being alone) or dealing with a REAL, STRONG brotha that knows exactly what he wants. Little girls, like you, haven't yet grasped the concept of self worth and in this big girl's world you will get eaten alive.
If you don’t understand any of the free advice that I am providing to you, let me break it down into terms that you may be able to undertand...
“THE MINUTE YOU SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE IS THE EXACT MOMENT THAT YOU DESERVE LESS THAN WHAT YOU SETTLED FOR.”

I am not telling you this to offend you in any way. My hope is that you will be encouraged and inspired to do better for yourself and to understand that you have the potential to be a big girl. This is a real problem for black women and someone needs to enlighten the little girls of the world. There will be winners and losers in this big girl’s world. It’s up to you to choose the side on which you would like to play.
Continue Reading
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

So Simple, Yet So Complex...That's Me! . 2017 Copyright. All rights reserved.