Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts

Wednesday

Morning Motivation for 4.27.11

Posted by Erin Brown on Wednesday, April 27, 2011 in
‘Every time I look in the mirror I stare into the eyes of my worst enemy.’   
~Me
What's standing in between you and success?  How about that huge obstacle in between you and ultimate happiness?  It’s very possible that YOU are the problem!
Anything is achievable if we could just get out of our own way. There have been too many instances that I have lost sight of the big picture because I was so far in the weeds. You can’t, and shouldn’t, blame anyone else for your circumstances. The person in the mirror has all of the power in the world to take you to the top.  The same person can keep you down if you’re not careful.  Remove the enemy from the mirror.  Help yourself attain your goals and stop hindering your forward progress.
Continue Reading

Could I Have Fallen for a Sociopath?

Posted by Erin Brown on Wednesday, April 20, 2011 in
I was talking with a few friends and as usual we were discussing men and relationships.  As I was listening to some of their stories, something struck me - the men that we were discussing had some, if not all, of the characteristics of sociopaths.  Scary!  What’s even scarier is that psychologists estimate that approximately 1-4% of the population can be classified as sociopaths!  That equates to millions of people.  In essence, every time you interact with people, it’s possible that you are in contact with a sociopath.

********************************************************

so·ci·o·path/ˈsōsēōˌpaTH/: (n.) A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.  These individuals have little regard for the feelings of others and manipulate others in order to get what they desire.

********************************************************
The important term in the definition of a sociopath is ‘antisocial’.  When we think of antisocial people, we tend to think of the introvert that doesn’t really associate with many people.  In this case, antisocial means ‘of or pertaining to a pattern of behavior in which social norms and the rights of others are persistently violated’.
There are many traits that sociopaths display, but I’ve decided to list a few of them that were a common theme in the men that my friends and I have dated.  It’s important to note that a lot of people have one or even a few of these characteristics and can be considered normal. According to the books that I have read, sociopaths have most, if not all, of these characteristics...plus many more. (Men, please understand that these characteristics apply to women also.  Sociopaths are not gender specific.  For the purpose of this post, I am referring to the male sociopath.)


Mr. Charming and/or Mr. Charismatic - He’s one heck of a smooth talker and will always have an answer to any question you may ask.  He seems to lead a very exciting life. That’s usually what attracts us to him.  Don’t buy into it.  It’s all a facade.  He is extremely manipulative and is using you for his own enjoyment  which entails humiliating you.
Mr. Egomaniac - This guy will act like the best thing since the invention of the relaxer!  He may claim to be smart, rich or the most successful person that you will ever know and doesn’t have an issue flaunting it.  Once again...a facade.
Mr. Attentive -  What more could a woman ask for than a man that is willing to call, text and/or email constantly just to let her know that she is on his mind? And what about when he wants to spend time with her and compliment her all the time just to make her happy? It’s all about communication and strengthening the relationship, right?  WRONG!  In reality he resents time you spend with your family and friends and wants to be in constant contact with you so he can gain your trust and take control. The compliments are futile.  His main goal is to make you into a willing victim. 
Mr. Jekyll and Hyde Personality - One minute he loves you; the next minute he hates you. As a sociopath, his personality and demeanor can change with the blink of an eye.  He may also become agitated when you try to get to know more about him.  Just watch for the signs. 
Mr. Gimme Your Sympathy - Sociopaths can figure out what will make you feel bad for them. He wants you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.  If he’s really a nut he may have all of these things at once!  Don’t fall for it.
Mr. It Ain’t My Fault - If you let him tell it, he has never done anything wrong in any situation and the excuse he gives you will always be a good one.  They will always have a lot of details, too.  It’s always the ex’s fault or someone else’s fault for his circumstances. He will always be the victim. Don’t feel bad for him.  He’s trying to turn you into his next victim by appealing to your emotions.  He wants you to feel sorry for him.  
Mr. Liar, Liar...Pants on Fire -  I like to call this man The Lyin’ King.  You ask him questions.  He gives you answers...very vague answers. He’s going to tell you the most outrageous lies that he can create in his crazy mind. Unfortunately, they are so far gone they don’t realize that telling the truth is a better option. These men lie so well that they are able to pass lie detector tests.
Mr. Speed Racer - Ever met a guy that you talked to and after the third week of knowing you they profess their love and tell you that you are soul mates? How about the man who wants to get married two weeks after you exchange numbers?  Ladies, I know most of us want to be in love, but this is not the guy for you.  He’s playing you.  Don’t fall for it.
Mr. Emotionless - Remember, this man is very convincing.  He will show you warmth, joy, love and compassion, but it all serves an ulterior motive.  He is incapable of feeling emotion, including remorse.  He may become outraged by insignificant things, but will show no emotion during times when a normal person would be upset.  He is unable to empathize with the pain that he is causing you and will continue to take advantage of you because that’s what he does.  He is oblivious and/or indifferent to the devastation that he is causing in your life.  It won’t matter anyway.  He’s not going to accept responsibility for his actions and will most likely blame you for everything that’s happening. In fact, in his deranged mind,  he’s going to rationalize the pain that he inflicts upon you.  He does, however, need your love, respect, and gratitude in order to justify everything he is doing to you. 
Mr. Narcissist - This man is into himself and no one else. Everything he does is for himself. It is common for sociopaths to constantly state their unrealistic goals, such as taking over the world. With that alone, you should know something is wrong with him.


Have I dealt with a sociopath?  If I gauge the men that I've dated against the definition of a sociopath, yes, I'm pretty certain that I've dated a few.  I can say that I’ve been with at least two men that had all 10 of these traits.  I’m sure that some men who are reading this have come into contact with women that display the same traits.  The point is that we won’t know until we educate ourselves and decide to open our eyes to the behavior that our partner is showing us.  Like my grandmother always says, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them”! It's a hard thing to do since love is blind, but it's doable.
I’m sure we’ve all met at least one of these crazy fools. The 10 men that I listed may seem harmless as listed individually, but when you add other traits to them, it’s actually pretty serious situation.  When you find a man that has more than a few of these characteristics, it’s possible that you are dealing with a sociopath.  You have the choice to stay, but that’s where your love for self needs to kick in. That’s when you need to move into self-preservation mode and leave the situation.  
Continue Reading

Monday

Morning Motivation for 4.18.11

Posted by Erin Brown on Monday, April 18, 2011 in
‘Life's best lessons are learned at the worst times.’
The Universe sure does have a way of putting things into perspective and keeping us humble.  There are times when I feel like things couldn’t get any worse, but at that very moment is when I can see the lesson in it all.  For each negative situation that we encounter there is a positive lesson.  Learn from it and do not allow history to repeat itself.  These lessons are the blueprint for life going forward.  
Continue Reading

Thursday

#RelationshipFail: The Mama's Boy

Posted by Erin Brown on Thursday, April 14, 2011 in
I obviously have some issues with mama’s boys. I believe the reason is because I am a very strong, independent woman.  Am I a daddy’s girl?  Yes, to an extent, but my parents instilled in me the importance of being an independent woman.  I do not take every issue I have to them, nor do I take their advice each and every time they offer it.  I am my own woman and I live my life for me…not for my parents.
There are specific reasons that I will never be able to sustain a healthy, long-lasting relationship with a mama’s boy.  I’m sure other women have similar reasons, but I can only speak for myself. 

I love REAL men – There is nothing better than the feeling of being with a real man. In my opinion, real men have certain traits that make them who they are. 

Strength – Real men make their own decisions and are willing to suffer the consequences at any cost.  He is able to accept responsibility for all of his actions and words.  He is not a coward and will face any obstacle placed in front of him regardless of the difficulty level and is willing to fix the problem if he is at fault.

Communication skills – Real men understand that communication is the key to any healthy and successful relationship.  As his woman, he trusts you to be his confidante and best friend.  He tells you everything.  A real man would never leave you without talking to you first.  That’s not his style.  He will face the issues in the relationship in order to fix them.  He can also put a strong woman in her place (verbally) without damaging the relationship or causing an argument.  He will give you a lot to think about in a good debate and he will solve the issue without shutting down for long periods of time. 

Focus – Real men know the difference between what is important and what can wait.  He will focus his energy on gaining power, making money, and taking care of his family.  Notice that I didn’t mention sex.  These men understand that they can get that from anywhere.  They want a wife and a family.  Sex comes along with that.  He’s not going to waste time on frivolous ventures that will not benefit him or his family in any way.  Everything he does has a purpose. 

Family-oriented – Real men take care of home first.  This is why I could never be with a mama’s boy. To a mama’s boy, mama comes first while you and your children come second.  That’s unacceptable to me.  A real man will put his woman and child(ren) first.  Everyone else plays the secondary role.  Most importantly, leaving is not an option.  He will do his best to work out any differences before he abandons the relationship that the two of you have built.

Doesn’t gossip – Real men will not gossip or spread your business to mama or anyone else.  He knows that your trust is the foundation of the relationship and if he breaks that, you are gone. He’s not willing to do that.  In my experience, real men use very few words and do not provide information unless he has to. 

Role model material – Real men understand that people are always watching.  He is respectful to others and has the utmost respect for himself.  The only exception is in the case that he is disrespected.  He ensures that he leads by example and passes the same quality on to his children.  He sets the bar high and doesn’t ever let it drop. 
Keeps his word – To a real man, his word is his bond.  If he can’t deliver on the promise, he’s not going to make the promise.  He doesn’t offer to do things that he knows he has no intention of doing. In other words, he’s not a compulsive liar or a sociopath.

Goal oriented – This man will set a goal and he will attain it.  Failure is not an option.  He has responsibilities and he will do everything in his power to be successful. 

Authenticity – Yes, ladies and gents, real men are just that…REAL.  They are genuine and expect the same from you. Real men are worthy of being made a priority in the life of a real woman.  They don’t have ill intentions or ulterior motives.  What you see is what you get.

I need an independent man – I am an independent woman and I deserve to be with a man that is the same.  I cannot tolerate a man that chooses to live off of his mother instead of going out and getting his own place and paying his own bills.  Don’t get me wrong, there are circumstances where it is warranted for a man to live at home, but the ones that aren’t ever willing to leave mama’s nest are not for me.  I’ve also found that the mama’s boy is the one that will try to move into my house instead of trying to get his own.  If we decide to do that together, that’s one thing.  But it’s another thing for you to come to my house and purposely start taking up closet space.  I am not your mama and this is not your mama’s house!  Man up, fellas, because real women like me need go-getters!  We need men that are willing to hustle as hard as we do to get to the top.  You’ll never do that on your mama’s couch. 

I refuse to be an option – This is the one thing that will make me re-think the entire relationship and leave quicker than Carl Lewis can run the 100 meter dash if necessary.  I deserve to be a priority in my man’s life just as I will make him the priority in mine.  This should be a given, but some men don’t get it.  What woman is willing to be a close number two to her man’s mama?  I am not the backup plan in case your mama decides not to go out on a “date” with you.  Strong women understand that we can do badly by ourselves.  I would rather be a priority in my own life than to be an option in a man’s life.  I love myself too much to deal with a man that won’t put me first. 

The bottom line is that I will never be able to be with a mama’s boy because they don’t have what it takes to handle a real woman that is capable of providing a real, lasting relationship.  They are emotionally unavailable and too weak for me.  So take heed, fellas - the criteria listed above are the PREREQUISITES to be with me…not the preferences.  They are two completely different things.  I need a real man to handle everything I have to offer.  Mama’s boys need not apply...your application will be DENIED!
Continue Reading

Wednesday

Run, Girl! He's a Mama's Boy...

Posted by Erin Brown on Wednesday, April 13, 2011 in
Image result for run girl meme

 ma·ma's boy: (mämz)  n. a term for a man who is excessively attached to his mother at an age when men are expected to be independent (e.g. live on their own, control their own finances, make choices for themselves, date, get married, etc.).  A mama's boy may be effeminate or be perceived as being macho.  In any case, a mama's boy cannot maintain a healthy partnership with a woman.

I’ve had a few relationships with mama’s boys.  They didn’t last.  The pattern I saw was that everything in our relationship was perfect…until mama realized that I could possibly pose a serious threat by being with her son and her son realized that I was a real woman that refused to be downgraded to just an option when I should be made a priority in his life.   When I say that I posed a threat, I don’t mean that I was going to harm anyone in any way, shape or form.  I mean that I could be the woman in his life to take him away from her. 

I have a son.  The one thing I will NEVER do is to create a monster by turning him into a mama’s boy.  It seems as though women who have this type of boy have raised them to be a surrogate husband.  Not in a sexual sense, but in the sense that he is the man in her life and must be by her side at all times.  If he’s not by her side, she must know where he is and be involved in some way.  Pretty sick, isn't it?  It’s just not healthy.  I understand that boys usually gravitate toward their mothers, but there is a line that needs to be drawn.

The mama’s boys that I’ve been with have elevated the Oedipus Complex theory to an entirely new level.  Since I’ve been there and done that with the mama’s boys, I can offer a few commonalities that I’ve found to be present in the mama’s boys that I’ve dated.  (I have checked with other women who have been with mama’s boys and they agree with these points.)

He talks to mama every single day – When you see that he and his mama have daily conversations a few times per day and act like they’re Joan, Lynn, Toni, and Mya on an episode of Girlfriends, PACK YOUR EMOTIONS AND THE REST OF YOUR BELONGINGS AND RUN!  Run as far, and as fast, as you can.  It’s scary that a man would want to gossip with his mother on the telephone more than one time per day.  Most men don’t even like to talk on the phone.  Some women may wonder if he has homosexual or down-low tendencies. But what’s even scarier is the fact that when anything happens in his life, significant or not, the first woman he will call is mama, not you.

Mama is the deciding factor in most of his decisions – I have seen this one more than enough times to count.  Before he buys a car, pays a bill, or even takes you out on a date, he gets input from mama.  If the two of you have a disagreement, he will call mama, tell her the details, and ask for her advice.  The sad part about this behavior is that mama’s advice is usually taken verbatim and is as holy as the King James Version of the Bible. And trust me on this, the advice she gives will not be in your favor.  Just run…that’s all I can say.  Trying to combat mama’s advice with logical advice will only make things worse…so just run the other way.

He talks about mama all the time – In my experience, there wasn’t a conversation that went by without at least two mama references per hour.  It may have been harmless in his eyes, but my point is that mama references are a big, red, flashing sign.  I always heard, “My mom always tells me…” or “When my mother and I went to…”.  If you’ve made it to this point in the post, you’ve been reading long enough to know what I’m about to say next.  Lace up your Nikes, find the nearest exit and RUN!

He tells mama private your private business – I’ve had this happen to me and it frustrated me to the point of borderline madness.  There is no need for my man’s mama to know the type of panties I wear or the type of birth control I use.  Trust me, when it’s brought up by mama at a family dinner in front of everyone, it will embarrass you.  She and her son may not think anything of it, but you will be left wondering what other personal information he’s shared with her.  Save yourself the drama…JUST RUN!

When mama says, ‘Jump!’ that’s exactly what he does – This is probably the most hurtful of all of the warning signs.  At least it was for me.  Say you have plans with your man that you have been looking forward to for quite some time.  You’re dressed and ready to go.  All of a sudden mama calls and says she needs son to take her to do something.  Most men would just tell mama that he has plans and that he’ll do it later.  NOOOO, not the mama’s boy!  Know this from the beginning – you will not be going on that date.  Mama comes first and he’d rather disappoint you than mama. So like I’ve said so many times before…JUST RUN!

He doesn’t defend you when mama starts talking trash – Mark my words on this:  There will be a time when mama decides to come out of her mouth a little sideways.  She may be blunt enough to just trash you or she may be the sneaky kind of mama that will throw little hints out there in order to brainwash her son into believing you are not the one for him.  A real man will defend you in these situations, but a mama’s boy is going to think about what his mama has said because ‘mama knows best’.  Ladies, it’s a battle that you won’t win.  That’s mama’s baby and she carried him for 15 months, went through 7 days and 20 minutes of labor just to have him.  He will feel obligated to listen to mama.  Don’t try…just RUN!

He lives with mama – I put this one last, but it should be first on the list.  If a 30-something year old man still lives with his mama there is a problem.  Unless she needs constant care or someone to help her on a daily basis, your man should have his own home.  Can you imagine wanting to have a quiet night watching a movie with your man at his house and his mama comes downstairs, turns on the light and starts a conversation?  What if he lives out of town and you are supposed to visit him for the weekend?  Are you going to stay at his mama’s house?  I don’t think so.  It’s unacceptable in my book.  Not all mama’s boys live with mama and vice versa, but I can tell you from experience, the ones that do live with mama are the worst ones.  Those are the ones that will NEVER leave mama and if things do progress to marriage with him, he will expect you to treat him like mama treats him.  My advice:  RUN and find a man that is just as independent as you...preferably one with his own home.
 
After being in the situation, I realized that mama’s boys will never have a healthy relationship with any woman, including mama.  Mama will tell him that you will hurt him, but she never will.  She will do and say everything she can to make him believe that you are not good enough for him.  There is a very strong possibility that he will believe the trash that she is throwing at him.  Do not blame yourself when the relationship ends.  It’s not your fault. I’m almost inclined to say that it’s not his fault, but he’s a grown man and needs to take responsibility for his actions.

At the end of the day it comes down to two things: 
  
1.  You are worth being a priority and not an option.  

2.  A real man will be the man that he wants to be and that YOU need him to be...not the man mama is lacking in her life.

Know your worth, ladies.  There is a REAL MAN out there waiting to meet you and he is NOT a mama’s boy.

 
Continue Reading

Monday

The Serenity Prayer...

Posted by Erin Brown on Monday, December 06, 2010 in
Each and every day I pray that I am able to get through the day and that I'm also able to make it through the night.  I pray for my child, my family, friends, those that are sick, and I give a special shout out to my enemies.  Lately, my prayers have evolved.  I've been praying for peace.

My life is hectic.  Like many, I work full time and I'm a full time mother.  My 5 year old son has a crazier schedule than I do with piano lessons, drum lessons, and sports.  I won't ever complain about that.  He deserves to be exposed to everything that I can afford.  I just find at the end of the day I'm physically and emotionally drained.  

During Thanksgiving, my family was visiting and my grandmother mentioned The Serenity Prayer.  It has inspired me and it's definitely helping.  I've only seen the first part of it before, but after reading the rest, I realize that I have some work to do.  I need to change the way I deal with situations and to lean more on my faith.  Hopefully it can inspire others the way it has inspired me.  


"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen."  

--Reinhold Niebuhr
Continue Reading

Wednesday

My Word is My Bond…

Posted by Erin Brown on Wednesday, July 21, 2010 in
“All I have in this world are my balls and my word…and I don’t break ‘em for no one. You understand?” – Tony Montana, Scarface

Yes, today I’m going hardcore – Tony Montana! I absolutely LOVE Scarface. It definitely goes down as one of my top 10 movies of all time. The movie was packed with memorable quotes, but the quote above, by far, is my favorite. You have to admit, he has a point.

If you read my blog on a regular basis, you know I’m about to relate this to life and relationships. (I can’t help it…it’s just what I do.) After thinking about the quote, I can’t help but to think about how more people need to adopt the ‘my word is my bond’ philosophy. If more people understood that their word is their bond, the world would be a much better place.

The phrase, “my word is my bond", means that just by giving your word, one can be assured that the promise will be kept. From what I’ve read, it's a maritime brokers' motto. Since 1801, it’s been the motto of the London Stock Exchange where bargains are made with no exchange of documents and no written pledges being exchanged.

Nowadays, if you look at society (and Wall Street), I’m not sure people understand, or even care about, the weight that their word is supposed to carry. People take vows every day to be married for life, yet the United State leads the way with the highest divorce rate in the world. With over half of all married couples getting divorced, I think it’s safe to say that a lot of people do not take their vows, or their word, seriously.

Marriage isn’t meant to be easy. As my parents have told me, it’s the hardest job you’ll ever have. I, myself, am guilty of not honoring my vows. I got married when I was 19 years old. The marriage lasted four long, hard years until I decided to end it. My marriage was over before it started. Young + moving to a new state + marriage + lies + infidelity = DISASTER! Sometimes divorce is warranted, but for the most part, the divorces that I see are not due to infidelity, domestic violence, etc. I think that people just feel that it’s better to cut ties and our courts feed into that notion by making it entirely too easy to get out of a life-long ‘contract’ that you’ve made with your partner.

Let’s look at this a different way. In my last post, I wrote about men that ‘talk’ and don’t ‘show’. What I mean by that is that I’ve dealt with a lot of men that will talk a good game, but when it comes down to actually proving that they mean what they say, they fail miserably. My last relationship was the perfect example of that. That’s not to say that women don’t do the same thing. I believe that women are master ‘talkers’, but I tend to believe that we will ‘show’ when we need to because we are emotional creatures by nature.

I know that I can’t control other people, but I can control my own actions. I choose to live my life in the ‘my word is my bond’ state of mind. Karma is a 'you know what'! I refuse to have bad karma come back to me because I failed to live up to something that I promised. So, in light of all of this, I now have ‘life rules’ that I plan to follow…

1.  Do unto others as I wish for others to do unto me. It’s the ‘Golden Rule’. Sure there are other morals and values by which to live, but this one phrase embodies society’s most cherished value – that we should treat others just like we want to be treated. This includes keeping my word.

2.  I will not put stock in man; I will only put stock in God. I know that some people may see this as a stretch, but this way, I’m never disappointed. God is the one person that never lets me down and never lies to me. My relationship with the Most High is more important to me than my relationship with any person on earth.

3.  Believe half of what I see and none of what I hear. Knowing that a lot of people fail to keep their word, I think this makes perfect sense. From now on, I will not believe anything that anyone tells me. They will have to show me…and even then, I’ll still have to question their intentions.

    I’m sure I’ll be adding to this list very soon, but for now it’s enough to get me started. It’s enough of a foundation to support the walls that are quickly going up around my heart.  

    It’s a shame that more people won’t put more thought into the words that come out of their mouths and what’s more of a shame is that lying seems to be the norm. Unfortunately, it’s accepted, so all I can do is to do the right thing and make sure that ‘my word is my bond’.
    Continue Reading

    Saturday

    “This above all: To thine own self be true…”

    Posted by Erin Brown on Saturday, December 27, 2008 in

    Most people would take time to convince themselves that they are right in certain situations, but I actually took the time to prove that I may have been wrong. I pride myself on being as honest, trustworthy, self-reliant, and as straight-forward as possible in any situation, but of course, I am not perfect. The two things that I can’t stand are for someone to lie to me or to use me. All of this just made me think about why people do the things that they do.

    Shakespeare wrote this famous quote in Hamlet: “This above all: To thine own self be true….”. It is a very recognizable quote, but most people don’t recognize the words that follow. They are just as important: “And it must follow, as the night the day, thou can not then be false to any man.” 

    ”To thine own self be true” ...that’s really a deep statement. This is something that most of us have trouble with. There have been times when I have lost myself in someone else and became the person that they wanted me to be. I am guilty of allowing that person to define who I was at the time. Almost everyone has done it at one time or another. It’s really foolish, but on the journey to self discovery you get caught up in the lies. It’s part of growing up. By the time that you finally reach the age of adulthood, the lies have been engraved in us for such a long time that the journey to the truth becomes the road less traveled. 

    ”To thine own self be true” ….the word “true” can cause a reaction in people that is less than favorable. Learning the truth about yourself is a complicated and bumpy road; particularly if there have been serious issues in your past. Introspect will lead to the truth and we all know that “the truth shall set us free”, but only if we are willing to accept the truth and allow it to become part of our healing process. Without truth, we are unable to be our true selves.

    The truth offers more than freedom…it offers us the chance to love. I have learned that a lot of people shut down and will not allow others to love them. They also are incapable of offering love or truth to others. It makes perfect sense because if we don’t love ourselves, how can we demonstrate love to others and if we are not true to ourselves, how can we be true to others?

    “And it must follow, as the night the day, thou can not then be false to any man” … this is simply what happens if we are true to ourselves. The inward action of being true to ourselves projects outward to others. This is the part that made me think. I doubted another person’s motives about being honest with me. I had to take time to look within. Almost everyone has been a situation while explaining their motives to someone, they were not trying to convince the other person, they were really trying to convince themselves of the story that they were telling. It was simply that we had the wrong motives and needed to look within and realize that we were just lying to ourselves about the situation. 

    Well, I did find that I was wrong. I was wrong for dealing with the person, I was wrong for trusting the person, and I was dead wrong for giving the person a second chance. In this case, my motives were erroneous. I wanted more from this person and tried to convince myself that they were capable of giving me everything that I had given to them. In fact, I was lying to myself. See, the only life that this person knows is a life filled with lies. So, I was the one that was wrong because I knew this the entire time. My motives were wrong because I was trying to transform dishonesty into the truth. In essence, I was fighting an uphill battle. 

    I have learned a valuable lesson though…”Above all: to thine own self be true.” As long as I remain true to myself and my faith, I will be fine. 
    Continue Reading

    It's a Big Girl's World

    Posted by Erin Brown on Saturday, December 20, 2008 in


    I don’t expect you to understand how real life works. It’s evident that you’ve been sheltered and still see the world through the eyes of a child. In order to play in a big girl’s world, you really need to be prepared because in this world, each and every action has an equal and opposite reaction. So just know that your actions have not gone unnoticed. There will be a reaction. It may not be today or tomorrow, but you will feel the reaction of a REAL WOMAN. I am positive that you are not prepared for what’s in store for you.
    Please don’t take this as me being disrespectful. Someone needs to tell you the real deal. Your looks will only get you so far…especially when you are not that cute. I am not one to put others down, so don’t perceive my advice as harsh criticism. Physical attributes do not make a woman beautiful. See, your looks may get the man, but it’s your heart, drive, ambition, attitude, soul and mannerisms that will keep him. This is a big girl’s world and I am just trying to explain the game.
    Your tears and suicidal threats when he tries to leave you will only buy you a little more time. I don’t blame you for trying these tactics because you don’t have the mindset of a woman yet.  What you don’t understand is that you can’t make a man stay with you out of pity. It’s only a matter of time before he grows weary from the drama. A REAL man wants a strong woman by his side. You, little girl, have a lot of work to do in order to prepare yourself for this big girl’s world.
    Does it make you feel as though you have the upper hand in the situation because you snoop and invade people’s privacy on Yahoo and Facebook after your relationship has ended? You may have the information that you seek, but can you handle the truth? I’m not so sure that you are ready for what this big girl’s world has in store for you. You see, a REAL sista will take the information and use it to her advantage.  She’s strong enough to make unambiguous decisions and stick to them.  She understands that doing what’s right for her may not feel right at the time, but ultimately she will get through the situation on her own.  And at the end of the day, that REAL sista has the confidence to know that she comes second to no one. We recognize that we are Queens and should be treated as such. You see, when the smoke clears, big girls will be OK while little girls run back to a weak man.
    Is it that serious for you to fake a pregnancy to try and keep a cheating man? Young girl, he cheated because there was a void in your relationship that you were too blind to see. Understand that communication and trust are the foundation for a lasting relationship. A REAL woman knows how to keep her man happy and how not to create a void that another female (or male depending on the situation) has to fill.  It’s a rough world little sis, so take all the help you can get. I am just trying to explain the big girl’s game so that you are able to be successful in this life.
    A man is always going to look at a beautiful woman that walks down the street. Are you that insecure in your relationship that you must call him out on each and every occasion? There will always be another female that is prettier, more intelligent, has a bigger bra size, a bigger butt, and more money than you.  Big girls understand that once trust is damaged it cannot be repaired. If you feel as though you can’t trust him, why stay with him? If you do stay, you are only hurting yourself because you know that you will always be thinking about what he has done with the other girl. Futile arguments about why he cheated and how many times he did it will not make him stay. You have even gone as far as to offer a ménage a trios. Is that what you think is going to keep him…allowing him to have sex with another woman in front of you to fulfill his fantasies? Little girl, you are enabling his actions and letting your insecurities get the best of you. It’s a big girl’s world and all of your insecurities will ultimately lead to your demise.
    I can provide you with more scenarios, but at the end of the day, it boils down to this…BIG GIRLS will move on to a strong man that is faithful, knows her worth and appreciates her while LITTLE GIRLS remain with the weak men and continue to go through the same drama. Maybe us REAL WOMEN should be thanking you for taking the weak men off of the market. While you are snooping for evidence that he is cheating, stressing yourself and wallowing in your own self pitty, we are happy being by ourselves (unlike you, BIG GIRLS are not afraid of being alone) or dealing with a REAL, STRONG brotha that knows exactly what he wants. Little girls, like you, haven't yet grasped the concept of self worth and in this big girl's world you will get eaten alive.
    If you don’t understand any of the free advice that I am providing to you, let me break it down into terms that you may be able to undertand...
    “THE MINUTE YOU SETTLE FOR LESS THAN WHAT YOU DESERVE IS THE EXACT MOMENT THAT YOU DESERVE LESS THAN WHAT YOU SETTLED FOR.”

    I am not telling you this to offend you in any way. My hope is that you will be encouraged and inspired to do better for yourself and to understand that you have the potential to be a big girl. This is a real problem for black women and someone needs to enlighten the little girls of the world. There will be winners and losers in this big girl’s world. It’s up to you to choose the side on which you would like to play.
    Continue Reading
    Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)

    So Simple, Yet So Complex...That's Me! . 2017 Copyright. All rights reserved.