Showing posts with label 30 days of truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 30 days of truth. Show all posts

Saturday

30 Days of Truth: Day 8 - ‘Someone Who Made Your Life Hell or Treated You Like Crap’

Posted by Erin Brown on Saturday, January 15, 2011 in
Here we go!  I think someone had it planned for me to be sick on day 8 of this project.  I’m sooo sick and so miserable that this is probably the only day that I would be willing to write a post that blasts everyone for everything they’ve ever done to me.  I’m going to do my best and be honest.  
Here’s something pretty interesting that some folks may not believe...I’ve grown up!  Back in the day, I would have blamed others for making my life a living hell.  I even wrote a post dedicated to my ex’s about how much I learned from the way they treated me. (I did change the names of people to protect the guilty.  I deserve some credit for that!)  Now I realize that no one can do anything to me that I don’t allow them to do. I look back on that post and realize that it was a little reckless, but it was a turning point for me. That was the moment that I realized that no one has ever made my life a living hell...except me.
I am now in a place where I can accept my part in any negative happenings in my life.  How can someone else make your life hell?  It’s simply not possible.  I now understand that I can’t control other people’s actions.  I can’t control other people’s feelings.  I can only control myself and my reaction to the things that people do to me. I’m in a place that I realize one thing...the moment I settle for less than I deserve is the exact moment that I deserve what I settled for.
I’m finally in a place that I am not living in my own personal hell.  I have learned to get out of negative situations and rid myself of people that are not moving in the same direction that I’m going.  What direction is that?  I’m on the fast track to make it to the top.  Are you with me?  I’ll meet you up there.
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Thursday

30 Days of Truth: Day 7 - ‘Someone Who Has Made Your Life Worth Living’

Posted by Erin Brown on Thursday, January 13, 2011 in
I really hate to sound cliche’, but there is one person that comes to mind as I read this topic - my son.  I know that every proud parent will say that their child is their reason for living.  We can’t help it...it’s the truth.  Without my son, I know my life would definitely not be the same.

Before I got pregnant, I was living the life and I was enjoying it. I could do whatever I wanted without having to answer to anyone and then...BAM!  I’m pregnant.  The fun train stopped abruptly and I had to stop with it.  I was on a high risk pregnancy and unfortunately my son was a little over 2 months premature.
I’ve learned so much from him.  The biggest thing that I’ve taken away from my experience as a mother and single parent is patience.  My son pushes my buttons20, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  He’s changed my entire perspective on life.  Before, I was young and selfish.  He’s forced me to be a better person and for that I am eternally grateful.  He’s the reason for my being and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.  
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Wednesday

30 Days of Truth: Day 6 - ‘Something You Hope You Never Have to Do’

Posted by Erin Brown on Wednesday, January 12, 2011 in
This is not a post that I want to write or a topic that I even want to think about.  When I think of something I hope I never have to do, I think of death.  I don’t want to bury anyone in my family.  I know that’s not realistic.  My grandmother is getting older, my parents are getting older...everyone is getting older and death is a natural part of life.  But the one person I hope that I never have to bury is my son.
I feel like the worst pain that a parent can feel is when they have to bury their child.  I can’t say that I won’t feel the same way when my grandparents or my parents pass away, but my child...I don’t ever want to feel that pain.  It’s actually killing me to think about it right now.
Since we don’t know what tomorrow will bring, I will cherish every moment with my little man.  We both make mistakes, but I love him with all of my being.  So, if you are a parent and you read this, I hope that you love your children as much as I love my son.  Spend time with them and create lasting memories.  God forbid you should ever have to bury your child.  If you do, at least the memories will live on.  
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Tuesday

30 Days of Truth: Day 5 - ‘Something You Hope to Do in Your Life’

Posted by Erin Brown on Tuesday, January 11, 2011 in
Now this is a topic that I can write about without really having to think too hard!  The only problem I have is which ‘thing’ to share.  I consider myself a person that dreams big.  I have so may big ideas that I have no clue how I’m going to do everything.  So I should probably share a smaller, more attainable goal.  (I need to add ‘prioritize my goal list’ to my lengthy list of things to do.)
I hope that in my life I am able to complete my PhD.  I’m well on my way.  This spring I will start grad school.  It’s going to be tough since I work full time and I am a single parent, but it will be worth it.  I know I’m not the only person in my situation that is going to start this program and I won’t be the last. That gives me more hope that I can do it.  So please send blessings and positive energy my way.  I’m going to need it.  
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Monday

30 Days of Truth: Day 4 - ‘Something You Have to Forgive Someone Else For’

Posted by Erin Brown on Monday, January 10, 2011 in
It seems like there is no way to get away from calling someone out in this post, but I sat down to really think about it and I don’t believe that I need to forgive anyone.  For everything that I’ve been through in my life, I have done my best to forgive people.  It’s hard, but I’ve managed to accomplish this.  The only person that I haven’t forgiven is myself.  
I’m a firm believer that no one can do anything to me that I don’t allow.  With that being said, I cannot truthfully blame anyone for anything that has happened to me.  Yes, I’ve been through some crazy situations, but as I said earlier, I allowed it.  So, for all of you that were hoping for me to call someone out, I’m sorry to disappoint you.  :-)
(I truly hope that this 30 days gets easier.  UGH!)
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Sunday

30 Days of Truth: Day 3 - ‘Something You Have to Forgive Yourself For’

Posted by Erin Brown on Sunday, January 09, 2011 in
I sense these posts will get shorter and shorter.  This is an extremely difficult topic for me to write about.  (At this point I’m beginning to regret that I accepted this challenge.)  It’s not like I couldn’t write an entire book (or nine) about the mistakes that I’ve made in the past and how I’m now kicking myself about them.  My issue now is which one to be truthful about.  Which one should I face?  I could take the easy (and vague) way out and just say that I need to forgive myself for not being able to forgive myself, but that’s boring and so cliche.  So, I’m going to get right to it and choose one that’s been in the forefront of my mind lately...I need to forgive myself for taking the experiences that I’ve had in my life for granted.
Here is just one example:  How many people can say that they were able to travel to Spain, Puerto Rico, Italy, France, Africa, the U.A.E., and Greece no less than 4 times before the age of 21? Not too many that I know.  These are experiences that now have to live in my memory because I can’t seem to find many pictures of the wonderful times that I was fortunate enough to have.  I was able to sample the food, partake in the customs, and experience the culture in various different countries at a very young age and now I regret not being more responsible with documenting them.  I was simply too young to appreciate the opportunity.  I just wanted to go out and have a good time, not understanding that there was so much more to it.
Thank goodness there is a solution:  my plan is to re-visit all of those places (and others) to create new memories.  For me, this is the only way I can see getting over it.  I’m getting older and I don’t want to resent myself for the woulda, coulda, shoulda.  I’m just thankful that I can possibly have a “do-over”...most people don’t get that chance.  Maybe some of you will be there with me to make the memories that much better.  The one thing I do know is that the next time around, I’m going to appreciate the opportunity that I am blessed to have.
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Saturday

30 Days of Truth: Day 2 - ‘Something You Love About Yourself’

Posted by Erin Brown on Saturday, January 08, 2011 in
It’s so funny how things work...I like this topic much better than yesterday’s topic, yet it seems to me that discussing what I hate about myself was much easier.  I guess this one will be short and sweet.
There are a lot of things that I love about myself.  Out of everything, I love the fact that I am a strong, driven, and focused woman.  I’m not afraid of a challenge.  In fact, I welcome the opportunity to prove doubters wrong.  Unfortunately, as a double minority, the road to success has more bumps, twists, and turns than it does for others.  You have to roll with the punches or get rolled over.  I, for one, have mastered taking punches and also dealing massive blows when necessary.  :-)
All of my life I’ve had to compete with the big boys.  It’s taught me a lot.  I’ve learned that you have to have a thick skin to make it and you’ll never get to the top by sitting on the sidelines. In these times, it’s survival of the fittest...self-preservation.  Only the strong will survive and I plan to be the last woman standing.
I want it all and the world is mine for the taking.  I’ll meet you all at the top.  
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Friday

30 Days of Truth: Day 1 - ‘Something You Hate About Yourself’

Posted by Erin Brown on Friday, January 07, 2011 in
I looked at this topic and almost decided not to post.  I guess this is called ‘Thirty Days of Truth’ for a reason. I always say, "If the truth hurts, say ouch" and this one really hurts.  I didn’t want to post my insecurities for everyone to see, but I guess it’s better to let it out than to keep it in.  So, here it goes...
The one thing that I really hate about myself is (wait for it...) my weight.  I know, not very original, but it’s the one thing that I have struggled with all of my life.  I’ve always been the chubby one in my family.  Try growing up with a cousin that has always been skinny, yet ate every fattening food in sight, and a little brother that ate three times as much as everyone in the family, yet managed to stay fit.  (SMH)  
I have always been active.  I was a cheerleader, in gymnastics, dance, ran track, played basketball, was even a certified aerobics instructor...you name it, I’ve done it.  For some reason, I’ve always been kind of heavy.  Although I’m muscular, I’m still heavy.  In high school, I was a cheerleader.  I hated being one of the biggest girls on the team!  UGH!  Imagine being a size 9/10 when everyone else is a size 2!  
When I went into the military, it was a struggle to even make the weight to get in. I had to lose 10 lbs.  I ran miles, starved myself, and even tried a laxative diet, but I made it.  It was a long, brutal fight. 
When it came time for the Navy’s PRT (physical readiness test), I always passed.  I never had a problem with the run, push ups, or sit ups, but when it came to facing that scale, I always lost.  (Thank goodness for the ‘tape test’!)  It was always funny that I could never make the weight, but physically I was within military standards.  
Fast forward to when I got pregnant with my son.  At that time, I was in the best shape of my life!  I had discovered that carbs were my kryptonite and without them, I could do (and wear) anything!  And then the pregnancy cravings began.  I wanted potatoes and bread all the time!  Needless to say I gained all of the weight back during pregnancy and only lost half of it when the boy was born.  
Today it’s still a struggle.  I’ve been on a diet and exercise kick for a few months, but it’s not working as fast as I’d like it to, but it is working  I count calories with the help of Lose It! and I try to exercise at least three times per week.  I am down 12 lbs and a dress size, but I want more...quickly!  ((SIGH))  The low carb diet gave me the instant gratification that I am looking for, but it wasn’t sustainable on a long term basis.  I’m at the point that I need to be healthy and do this the right way, but I don’t have to like it. 
Recently I’ve come to the realization that this is me and I have to work with what God has created.  I can no longer be a slave to the scale.  I’m this way for a reason.  It’s not meant for me to look like one of the video models that so many men drool over.  I’m beautiful in my own way.  Knowing that, I’m just going to continue to work toward my goals and see how far I can get.  Since I’m pretty competitive, I’m sure I’ll do well, but it’s not going to be an easy journey.  Wish me luck!
Oh, and anyone that wants to join me on Lose It! you can send me an email and I’ll invite you into my network.  :-)
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Thursday

Thirty Days of Truth...

Posted by Erin Brown on Thursday, January 06, 2011 in
Yesterday I made a commitment to post more.  Of course that means that I needed ideas on what to write about.  I didn’t think it would be so hard since something crazy happens to me everyday, but it’s definitely a lot harder than I thought.

I was browsing through some other blogs and saw ‘The 30 Days of Truth Project’.  I’m all about truth, so I figured that it would be a good idea for me to be honest and tell some things that I’ve been keeping inside.  When I looked at the topics, I couldn’t help but to have a blank stare on my face.  This is going to be much harder than I thought, but I’m going to do it.  
If you want to try it, here are the 30 days:
Day 01:  Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02:  Something you love about yourself.
Day 03:  Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04:  Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05:  Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06:  Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07:  Someone who has made your life worth living.
Day 08:  Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like crap.
Day 09:  Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10:  Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11:  Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12:  Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13:  A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days. 
Day 14:  A hero that has let you down.
Day 15:  Something or someone you couldn’t live without
Day 16:  Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17:  A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18:  Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19:  What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20:  Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21:  Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22:  Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23:  Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24:  Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. 
Day 25:  The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26:  Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27:  What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28:  What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29:  Something you hope to change about yourself and why.
Day 30:  A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Good luck!
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